She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
