This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
