Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I will pee on everything he values.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
