i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
