Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize