I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
