if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
