Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
