I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
