It was confusing and full of hummus
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
