Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
