**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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