you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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