Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize