as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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