I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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