I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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