you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
