Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
