She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
