so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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