Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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