You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
