And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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