i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
