Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
