I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
