i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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