Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
