If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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