i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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