Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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