please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
