the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
