I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
