my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
