I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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