Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
