he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
