thus making me awesome and them whores
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize