some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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