You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
