I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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