Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
