I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
