My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
