My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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