so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
