just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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