Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
