I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
