still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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