Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
