this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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