I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
