Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize