Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
