i will never coherently bang her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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