I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
