6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
