Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize