I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
