well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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