i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
