god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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