there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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