u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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