He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
