Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
