She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
