Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
